Gracie Bellnap
Contributing Writer
To: The Faculty and Staff of Millsaps College
From: The Students of Millsaps College
Below you will find a list of charges that have accumulated this semester. Just as we are given an invoice at the end of each semester, typically with several charges that we do not feel responsible for, the students have carefully calculated numerous charges to compensate for the lacking services and resources on campus.
Dorms:
Defective air conditioner…………………………………………….. $2,000
Possible mold spot in shower……………………………………………. $100
Confirmed mold spot in shower…………………………………………… $105
Window that does not close all the way…………………………………… $250
New dryer already broken……………………………………………….. $800
Brown water…………………………………………………….Lead Test Kit
Foreign pubes
Dorm sink………………………………………………………. $50
Dorm Shower…………………………………………………….. $50
Public restrooms………………………………………………… $60
Caf:
All soda fountain drinks empty………………………………………….. $60
Absence of ice cream cones…………………………………………..Your Joy
Squishy fruit in salad bar………………………………………… $10/grape
Spoiled milk………………………………………………………….. Stomach Pains
Partially raw chicken………………………………………………….. $150
Leggett:
Broken outlets………………………………………………………… $30
Wobbly tables……………………………………………………. $400/table leg
Television that is never turned on………………………………………. $800
Really uncomfortable couches……………………………………………. $20
Reuben’s:
Out of Reuben’s sauce……………………………………………… $100,000
Out of mustard…………………………………………………….. $20,000
Out of ketchup………………………………………………………$20,000
Out of chicken tenders……………………………………………… $11,000
Out of burgers……………………………………………………….$8,000
Out of onion rings………………………………………………….. $90,000
Food served in foil……………………………………………………. $100
Campus Maintenance:
Faculty parked in student parking spaces………………………. Half your salary
Unavailable parking in overflow lot…………………………………..$900/spot
Blocked sidewalk due to Christian Center construction…………………..$100/day
Roach infestations…………………………………………………….. $800
Fountain filled with dirt instead of water…………………………… $100,001
Mill-Cat missing its tail………………………………………………. $69
Late package delivery, even though Amazon said it was here 2 days ago……….. $20
$50,000 education……………………………………………………… Priceless
We are aware that not all of the faculty and staff is at fault for each of these charges, but because nobody has admitted fault and we did not feel like checking any cameras, you will all pay for each of these charges. It is understood that a considerable amount of inflation exists for each of these charges. That is to ensure that it can be completely covered, so we can pay for other things with that money that we just feel like we need, but not necessarily any things that you want.
Of course, this invoice is meant for your general entertainment only. Despite all this, I still love Millsaps and I am appreciative for all they do for the students.
Everything from this article is accurate and then some. Though not mentioned, there are other “charges” that we students and faculty suffer from. As a junior, I personally hope that in five years when I come back to Millsaps as an alum, all of these less than ideal living problems will be fixed and hardly remembered. As my years at Saps have been accumulating, the quality of the Saps experience has been on the decline. Future generation should be getting beneficial changes and not a list of “charges” as Gracie puts it. I still really love attending Saps, however, it is not because of the campus living quality.