by Alex Melnick
arts & life editor
You’re probably going to get heat stroke this weekend. It’s okay, because I most likely will too. We can do little about that fact, but we can do something about the hunger that will threaten to consume you. Sure, you can order Jimmy Johns or go to Pizza Shack, but you will be sweaty and you will embarrass yourself. Instead, let me take you to a magical land where you can be as sweaty and as sunburnt as you want: The Caf’. This is just in case you miss DHOP, of course. (Tri Delta is selling pancakes.)
Not to be confused with Fancy Sauce. Fancy Water is one of my most majestic creations.
As many cucumbers as your shaking, burnt fingers can carry
· As many lemons as you can take without judgment
· A Caf’ cup
Put it all together and imbibe the sweet nectar of the Saps.
Bagels belong at the beach. This is an undisputed fact where I am from (Florida). Here is a way to recreate this princely treat:
· One plain bagel
· Four or five cucumber slices
Just put the cucumbers on your bagel, and enjoy the experience. Kid tested, and, I think, mom approved.
Burger of Champions
· Veggie patty or meat patty
· American cheese
· Tony’s—fight for it if necessary
Simply give the toppings to our friendly Caf’ workers and enjoy the life sustaining treat you have ordered.
This has yet to fail to revive me after a long day of recreational standing outside. Just add anything you wish to eat for dessert in the Caf’ to a bowl of Fro-Yo. Here are some topping ideas:
· Chocolate chips
· Zachary Smith’s hair
Don’t forget to use a spoon, you animal.