by Garrett Coble
This is a Public Service Announcement from the Purple and White Opinions Page. Now I know we like to oscillate between somber and comical in this corner of the paper, but today I’m here to talk to you about a serious issue: Packs of wild dogs that control most major colleges in the south. Unfortunately, Millsaps suffers equally from this blight. The canines move silently across the Bowl and patrol the field turf, only their lack of thumbs keeping the Library and our very rooms safe. However, the campus cannot simply pause until this problem solves itself; there is no telling how long until evolution steps in. Action must be taken.
In the interest of bringing this serious concern to light, I spoke to one student who faced down this terror himself. Eric Martin, a sophomore, painted a clear picture of the dire straits he found himself in one summer afternoon on the field turf. “I was attempting to complete a summer workout, and in my tired state, I didn’t notice the dogs sneak up behind me. If they hadn’t growled, I wouldn’t have even seen them,” Martin said.
“These aren’t poodles either, they were rather large dogs,” he said. “But luckily, they approached from the north end zone, allowing me to slowly back up and quickly sprint out of sight. It was rough.”
Fortunately, this particular incident passed without injury. Yet this cannot be misconstrued as evidence of the dog’s friendly, cuddly, or playful nature. Contrary to Ricky Bobby or Cal Norton’s advice, the hounds should not be approached under any circumstances. Rather, as experience suggests, they must be kept at arm’s length. In the interest of journalistic integrity and fairness, I reached out to the pack of dogs for comment. They refused to comment on the situation, saying only “Woof.”
I myself have spotted the pack of wild dogs roaming around campus during the day on multiple occasions. Even more alarming than this open defiance of authority is their growing numbers. Sightings of the dogs early last fall semester placed their numbers at four, but it seems the gang had a rather productive spring. During his encounter with the mutts, Eric is certain he counted five dogs. Clearly this problem will only continue to multiply if it is not addressed.
We can begin combatting this threat by asking questions. What brought these dogs to our campus? Why are they still here? What do they want? Only once we truly understand this threat can we hope to reclaim our school from these marauding terrors.